IELTS Advantages and disadvantages Essay: Kids spend much time playing video games
Nowadays more and more kids spend much time playing video games, which affects them both positively and negatively. Do the advantages of video games outweigh their disadvantages?
Пишем эссе в четыре шага:
Шаг 1: формулируем 1 преимущество и 1 недостаток во вступлении + пишем какую сторону поддерживаем:
In the era of gadgets and devices, hence, a majority of adolescents has become genuinely addicted to electronic games. I believe that the benefits of these games far overweigh its drawbacks since by playing video games, teenagers ensure a safe release of their emotional tension. Firstly, this essay will discuss the reduced level of stress as the main benefit of video games, and secondly, it will analyze the major drawback which is probable deductions of children that violence is an acceptable conflict-solving strategy.
Шаг 2: поясняем преимущество+ пример для подкрепления вашей позиции:
One of the principal advantages of electronic games is the fact that they are able to provide teenagers with a safe outlet of their aggression. This is because on no account should the influence of hormones on adolescents’ anxious temper be ignored. As a result, youngsters would become calmer, provided that they devoted a certain amount of time to playing video games. For example, having carried out a statistical survey, sociologists have discovered that by playing games for 20 minutes per day, young people reduce the level of their aggression by 83%.
Шаг 3: поясняем недостаток + ослабляем примером:
The main disadvantage associated with video gaming is the fact that youngsters could make a conclusion that conflicts in real life are to be solved in an aggressive way. Presumably, the reason for this is that players are rewarded with virtual gifts for simulating violence. However, it is clear that adolescents should play computer games under supervision which is likely to eliminate adapting these patterns. For instance, recently it has been revealed by psychologists that almost 85% of parents have declared that they check the content of video games as well as the time spent on playing it.
Шаг 4: в заключении дублируем наше мнение:
In conclusion, in my opinion, the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages because teenagers are allowed to express their aggression, thereby, they become more confident and peaceful.
Grammar errors: 2
Vocabulary inaccuracies: 1
Advanced Grammar Structures: 6
Less commonly used vocabulary: 15
Cohesive & Reference Devices: 6 + 1
Approximate Band 7.0
Task Achievement 7.0
Coherence and Cohesion 6.5
Lexical Resource 7.5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 7.0